Saturday, December 21, 2013

Wishes (Under Construction)

Alright. We had a spontaneous debate (more like a speech) a few weeks back in English class and I've only had a minute or two to come up with what to say, so that didn't end up as well I wanted it to. For a few minutes after speaking in front with too much of sudden pauses (dramatic effect? Nah, thinking what to say), and having thought of the question I got more after that day, I've come up with a better answer. A product of deep and unscrambled thinking after having been locked outside the house one afternoon. Yeah, this post is worth an hour of me sitting at a cafe nearby because I couldn't get in.

Too much nonsense..
                        On with it.
                                    The question I picked was..

"If you had 3 wishes, what would they be?"

What would they be? Scrolling through my previous posts, you probably know I'm not the kind of a person who'd ask for a material thing and that's not just because I'm trying too hard to be different. It's because I'm honestly fine with the kind of life I have (although I won't say no to having something extremely luxurious; I just know it won't be enough to satisfy me) and I'm aware it's perfectly normal for series of unfortunate events to occur. And yeah, here they are:

The original answer I gave for this is "Not to disappoint anybody", but this works too. A few months back, I realized that at least once in your life, you're gonna hurt somebody in some way. Unintentionally and possibly without even knowing. I've been hurt before. Maybe not in the way most people would consider something as hurting. Not involving heartache, but I know how it feels like and we could all agree it's not something pleasant. I don't vocally admit it when I get hurt, but my body has its way of knowing even without showing. It could ruin you inside, and personally, I'd rather be the one to feel it rather than be the one who makes somebody else experience it. I don't ever wanna be the reason behind (even just) the slightest damage in someone else.

I was having second thoughts about wishing for this because I countervail the idea of going against something natural and normal (because how can you consider having such power as natural and normal?). Being able to know what other people are thinking could have tons of downsides. Negative thoughts that may be directed to me could hurt me, but however I put it, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. I'd probably be invading people's privacy, but yeah. At least I'd have the power to know what bothers them (no, I am not trying to be the heroine of the day). I could know what they like and what they dislike. I could voice out the thoughts they prohibit from escaping their minds due to lack of self-confidence. It would serve as my way of having a glimpse of their background, and knowing how they think would make it easier for me to know the kind of approach I should use when trying to talk to them. It seems like a selfish request because it would give me power, but all I really want is to have a better understanding of all the people around me. Because I know how it feels like to be misunderstood, to be unheard, and to secretly wish that someone would come along to talk to me about how I'm feeling or what bothers me, yet on the other side just knowing I can't ever say how, what, or why, so they'd never really have a way of knowing. Unless they can read my mind.

Too hard. Too much to wish for. Too uncertain. Too early to finalize. Check back in fifty years.. or longer.

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