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Saturday, December 21, 2013

Wishes (Under Construction)

Alright. We had a spontaneous debate (more like a speech) a few weeks back in English class and I've only had a minute or two to come up with what to say, so that didn't end up as well I wanted it to. For a few minutes after speaking in front with too much of sudden pauses (dramatic effect? Nah, thinking what to say), and having thought of the question I got more after that day, I've come up with a better answer. A product of deep and unscrambled thinking after having been locked outside the house one afternoon. Yeah, this post is worth an hour of me sitting at a cafe nearby because I couldn't get in.

Too much nonsense..
                        On with it.
                                    The question I picked was..

"If you had 3 wishes, what would they be?"

What would they be? Scrolling through my previous posts, you probably know I'm not the kind of a person who'd ask for a material thing and that's not just because I'm trying too hard to be different. It's because I'm honestly fine with the kind of life I have (although I won't say no to having something extremely luxurious; I just know it won't be enough to satisfy me) and I'm aware it's perfectly normal for series of unfortunate events to occur. And yeah, here they are:

1. NOT TO HURT ANYBODY
The original answer I gave for this is "Not to disappoint anybody", but this works too. A few months back, I realized that at least once in your life, you're gonna hurt somebody in some way. Unintentionally and possibly without even knowing. I've been hurt before. Maybe not in the way most people would consider something as hurting. Not involving heartache, but I know how it feels like and we could all agree it's not something pleasant. I don't vocally admit it when I get hurt, but my body has its way of knowing even without showing. It could ruin you inside, and personally, I'd rather be the one to feel it rather than be the one who makes somebody else experience it. I don't ever wanna be the reason behind (even just) the slightest damage in someone else.

2. TO READ MINDS
I was having second thoughts about wishing for this because I countervail the idea of going against something natural and normal (because how can you consider having such power as natural and normal?). Being able to know what other people are thinking could have tons of downsides. Negative thoughts that may be directed to me could hurt me, but however I put it, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. I'd probably be invading people's privacy, but yeah. At least I'd have the power to know what bothers them (no, I am not trying to be the heroine of the day). I could know what they like and what they dislike. I could voice out the thoughts they prohibit from escaping their minds due to lack of self-confidence. It would serve as my way of having a glimpse of their background, and knowing how they think would make it easier for me to know the kind of approach I should use when trying to talk to them. It seems like a selfish request because it would give me power, but all I really want is to have a better understanding of all the people around me. Because I know how it feels like to be misunderstood, to be unheard, and to secretly wish that someone would come along to talk to me about how I'm feeling or what bothers me, yet on the other side just knowing I can't ever say how, what, or why, so they'd never really have a way of knowing. Unless they can read my mind.

3. SOON
Too hard. Too much to wish for. Too uncertain. Too early to finalize. Check back in fifty years.. or longer.


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Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Point

People don't argue just for the sake of arguing. They argue because they have a point. Everyone has a point, and we all want to prove our own. Everyone's point counts. It's just that some points weigh more than the others.

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Saturday, April 20, 2013

Impossible


It's impossible to be happy when you know you're the reason why some people aren't.


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How Do People Not Care

It amazes me how some people say they don't care about what others think of them and actually mean it. How they could just be like "Oh I don't care. They don't know me, they can't judge me. They can say whatever they want. I don't care". I've tried- a million times- to tell myself the same thing, but I just can't put it into action. I can't convince myself, because I just can't do it. Yes, sometimes I try too hard. I can pull of expressions that could trick people into thinking I don't give a crap, but deep inside, I just know I do. When I don't do something about it, I think about it nonstop. I may be good at controlling the way people see me, but I sure suck at controlling my thoughts. Nevertheless, thinking does make me smart... in a way. All the content of this blog is a product of the things I choose not to tell anyone personally, rather publicly. People think I'm indifferent. Truth is, I never am. I notice and examine everything.

And I've gone off topic. All I'm saying is.. I do care. It's just that I choose when and how to show I do. I show I do when I think it's right. Maybe what's right for me isn't right for everyone, but I have my own reasons. Whatever a person says about me may greatly affect me, but if it affects me in the way it could ruin me, then I won't swallow it. Then you just would think I don't really care. I just hope people would be less assuming. I hope they'd stop judging only based on what they hear and see, because one's real personality might all be under a protective coating. There might be those kind of people who're just too impossible to know just by watching. Like me.


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Saturday, April 13, 2013

Strangers By Your Side

I just realized I actually don't know much about the people I thought I knew the most. And they certainly don't know much about me. Then I suddenly thought of why. Some of the people who've known me for years don't really know who I am today. Maybe because I was different from who I was when they knew me, and they didn't stick around to see whatever it is that's changed. They failed to see what has developed, and chose to have a fixed impression. In their eyes, I'm still the girl who isn't much, and I'll always just be that girl. It's good to have people who know your past, where and what you've been to. But I'd rather have people who see me for who I am today, and would find their own way to know what I've gone through to know me better. It's just so hard to be what I no longer am. It's so hard to introduce the new me to the eyes that see I haven't grown.


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Monday, April 1, 2013

A Thousand Miles Away

Did it ever cross your mind that somewhere in this capacious planet, the person that would be perfect for you is out there somewhere, thinking when he or she could find a person like you? You may have each other's ideal qualities, yet distance makes it impossible for your own little worlds to meet


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Friday, March 8, 2013

Frustrating

One thing that frustrates me is how people say something unpleasant about another person, then end up doing what that other person just did. If you're gonna judge, take the time to reflect on how different you are from the person you're trying to ruin. Stick to knowing the things which you dislike about other people, and don't do them yourself. It's hypocritical.


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Monday, February 11, 2013

What's Tough



The people whom I gave the chance to get to know me 
have turned out to be those who'd waste the opportunity.


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Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Just Wondering

If I'd ever take a step into not minding what other people would think and feel like. When I could say I'm fully thinking about myself and doing what I wanna do. When I could talk about everything I like, dislike, and dream of happening. I know it's not something positive, but when could I be self-centered even just for a while? For once. I guess I never would be. I never could be.


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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Reasons

There are those people whom we keep trying to understand because we're easily convinced that they should be understood. If you don't get that, these are the people who are 'going through something' or who have 'gone through something'. They become unreasonable because they have the reason to be unreasonable, and it's because people think it's socially acceptable. Will going through a bad experience always be good enough to excuse someone for having a sh*tty attitude? Isn't that unfair, because we all could find a reason to be unreasonable? At times, it's just a matter of choice.


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